My dirty little secret…I am not Wonder Woman

I am going to confess something that makes me uncomfortable. I am somewhere between 2 worlds. I am both a SAHM and a WAHM.  I work from home, but the fact is when you are starting a business, it can take a while before you actually contribute income into the family. In fact starting a business where you design and build products takes capital. We have spent at least what is considered the average family income on starting this business, and it will take some time before we see return on our investment. Everything we make goes back into the business to keep branding and keep building product. So I am between two worlds and my guilty secret is that in order to do my business, I need to have childcare. We have an au pair. Yes I said it. I make no money, and spend money to build a business and I pay someone to help me with my kids. Seems an odd way to contribute to the family, right? Hence, my guilt.

Since I essentially work for myself I think I should just arrange my schedule around the kids. I appear to other moms like a SAHM – I volunteer at school and drive the kids to after school activities. I will leave the baby at home with our au pair and while I am waiting at an activity for the other 2, I am making or returning calls. Some times I am editing something I have written or looking at fabric prints. I am multitasking the best I can, but I couldn’t do it without help. The people that don’t know I have a business look at me like, “wow she has full-time help and stays at home – nice”. Believe me I am not lunching and shopping, however without an income to show “hey, I am working”, I do feel embarrassed.

My SAHM friends, they do it all on their own. I consider them super moms. I even have WAHM friends that don’t have help, and I am amazed at how they do it, they are wonder moms, super women. Me, I am not either of these things. I just don’t have it in me to be a good mom, wife and business woman alone. I get grumpy and overwhelmed. I know my limitations, but even with that,  I still would rather be wonder woman.

There, my dirty little secret, it’s out. The kicker is our absolutely fabulous au pair has fallen in love (good for her), is getting married and leaving us next month to move to Ohio with her new husband. So this summer,  I better figure out how to get some super powers fast.