A New Year, A New Start for…

It is unbelievable that it is already 2010. I know I think this every year “where did the time go?”. Oh well, I am not going to focus woulda, coulda, shoulda, but on making a new start for this new year. New year, new opportunities. Not going to set resolutions that I can’t keep, like “to stop being a procrastinator” – maybe something more gentle like “to procrastinate just a little less”.

This blog has gone to the dogs. It is neglected, well maybe abandoned is a better word. I am full of ideas, things I want to write and say, but never seem to be at the right place at the right time to complete the actual act of typing my thoughts. Full of ideas, and full of excuses. Right now I am resolving to set some time aside to write my thoughts for let’s say the week, even if they are random. I really need to write for me, it is a great release. Number 1: Stick to a weekly routine, at least on some things. In my daily life this would be sticking to my weekly Body Pump class. For this blog it will mean to write a weekly post. That should be easy enough, right?

You would think, but I have about 5 drafts for posts from the last 6 months. I start them, then don’t finish. Kinda like the way I clean the house . A good friend strongly suggested that I read the book, Driven to Distraction. I told her, I don’t think I really need to read it to know that I am ever so slightly ADD, and I know I would buy it, look at it start, maybe even start reading it, then uh…get distracted, put it down and forget about it. I also have posts that are drafted and were essentially done, but for some reason, I didn’t post. Rethinking what I wrote, wondering if I should add or change it. Then I would not go back to it, and you guessed it…forget about it, until it was too old to bother with! So why do I hesitate to publish? Well to be truly honest, I am worried about what people with think when they read it. What if I come off bitchy, whiny, or worst of all stupid? By writing a blog, I am making myself vulnerable for criticism. And logically I realize that expressing my opinion from the heart, will likely bring other points of view, and that if someone doesn’t like what I write, they can just choose not to read it. Really all the back and forth in my head is redundant and stupid (ya, I said it). My next resolve should be easy too. Number 2: Write from my heart at the moment, from my point of view, and don’t worry about what others think. [And remember that I can always edit or delete later - it is MY blog for goodness sake ]. For my daily life, this number 2 translates slightly different.

I want to use this blog as the place that I talk about the experiences of the passed (particularly with the good, bad, ugly of having a business). I want to focus the rest of my life on living in the present, being in the moment and not focusing on what happened yesterday and what could happen tomorrow. I know I spend far too much time worrying about what might have been or what could be. The last month or so I have been almost fully focusing on the kids, taking a hiatus from worrying (that word again, maybe I should say fretting) about the state of business (something I am not going to delve into now). It has been tremendous to live in the present. Enjoying every giggle (every whine, cry and scream) with the kids. Because of the snow just before Christmas, we had 2 full weeks together. Everyday, all day. And despite the stress of making sure everything was set for Christmas (with Santa coming and all…), it has been a time of living in the moment. So Number 2 is big – focusing on the present, enjoying every moment, and putting the past in perspective (it can’t be changed, but can be learned from).

For now 2 resolutions are all I can handle, of course I will keep my standby of procrastinating less (which Number 1 is really just a product of…).
2010 is a new year, a new start for an abandoned blog, and an opportunity to soak up all the potential of today.

[Can't really find the words I want to express what I mean, but if I ponder too long, I will think and rethink, to the point of futility. Closing my eyes and hitting publish.]